How I work: First of all, thanks to Zoom, I can see clients anywhere in the world! So don’t worry if you’re not local to St Louis, you can still schedule an appointment with me. When you book, you’ll have the option to choose virtual or in person*. (The in-person option is always contingent on current Covid-19 circumstances, so we may need to discuss our respective comfort with meeting in person. Meeting outdoors at a park near my office would be possible during nice weather, for example.)
Sessions are informal, conversational, and comfortable. They are often filled with laughter even in the midst of challenging moments. I am very direct, which most people appreciate. There’s no fluff or bullshit. I will challenge you, but I will also be your biggest supporter.
My superpowers work quickly; I don’t need a bunch of sessions to be able to dig in and “see” you clearly. If we are a good fit, it’ll feel like we’ve known each other forever right away. And you’ll start to feel better right away because it will feel right. And if we’re not a good fit, you’ll know that too, and we probably won’t keep working together, and that is totally okay!
This isn’t your typical “life coaching” practice. I have no interest in selling you huge commitments, although I have packaged together a few offerings I particularly feel strongly about. Integrity, freedom, and flexibility are key values of mine, and as such it’s important that clients are able to use my services in the way that is best for you, which for many people means being able to just hop on my schedule whenever you need to. The way I practiced as a therapist will remain the way I practice. So I will always leave the option open for single “as needed” sessions and make lots of room on my calendar for these. I’m quick, intuitive, and solution-focused, and as such, many people only need to see me occasionally (sometimes just once!) to get the full benefit. That is a perfectly acceptable way to do this work. Continue reading for other packages and options, or go ahead and schedule your first session. I’ll follow up with some brief paperwork and further information after you book.
The Work/1:1 Coaching
Come Get Your Life: This plan is a good idea if there are some significant changes you’d like to make and you’re ready to commit to those changes. The advantage of this package is that you’ll be building in accountability by paying upfront…and I put a little discount in there for incentive. (As someone who struggles with commitment and follow through sometimes, this would be good for me!)
You will schedule your first 90 minute session when you book; the remaining (3) 60 minute sessions we can schedule as we go. They are good for a full year after your first session, so no need to feel rushed. Pace yourself how it feels right to you.
Initial 90 minute + (3) one hour = $625
De-Toxify Your Masculinity: I believe men have the exact same capacity for tenderness, connection, and loving expression as everyone else. We (American culture) just don’t teach you how to do it. We actually teach you the opposite of what you need, so you learn early to deny your emotions, withhold your full range of expression, and pretend to be tough even when you’re in pain. So in adulthood when you start getting into relationships, you get accused by your partner(s) of having a stunted emotional range and being unable to talk about your feelings. Many of you find relationships challenging, at best. I can help.
In an informal, conversational way, (no weird touchy-feely stuff), we will audit your own ideas about “being a man” as you learn to identify and process your feelings a little more effectively. This includes skill-building around expressing yourself in healthy, nonviolent, vulnerable ways. Help the feminists of the world smash the patriarchy. This series is for cis/het dudes who want to do better and feel better. It’ll help you be a better partner, father, and human.
FYI I’ve been friends with way more men than women in my life. So to the extent that a woman is able to, I do understand and empathize with what you’re going through and I promise you’ll feel comfortable with me. You’ll schedule your first 90 minute session when you book; I’d recommend doing the other two sessions pretty soon after. You can be a whole new man in a few weeks!
(3) 90 minute sessions = $575
The Work/RELATIONSHIP SESSIONS
I love doing relationship work.
My beliefs about relationships: If you’ve already read my book, LINK TO BOOK you already know that my core tenet about relationships is that every relationship has its own culture. (If you haven’t read it, maybe you’ll want to after reading this!) Part of what trips people up is when they feel like they’re “supposed” to do things a certain way…but what if that “usual way” doesn’t work for you? Let’s figure out the most authentic expression of this relationship. The goal is to be happy and have things be generally peaceful, or at least to be able to manage conflict well when it arises. I’m queer, kink, and poly friendly. No shame to be found here.
Communication is my jam. I am positive I can help you do it better. It may not magically heal your relationship, but it absolutely helps to be able to communicate clearly and effectively with each other. I’m trained as a mediator so I’m super skilled at identifying win/wins and proposing compromises that don’t “cost” anyone too much. (I also teach classes about this. Check out “The Extras” for class info. If there’s anything on the schedule, you can book it on the calendar app too!) For everyone, but especially my “I don’t need therapy” guys out there, please note, and I’m going to shout it at you in all caps to make sure you really hear me:
1) THIS IS NOT THERAPY. THIS IS COACHING. (So if you’ve been refusing “therapy” but you definitely need some assistance, here’s a compromise).
2) THERE IS NO ROLE-PLAYING OR GAZING INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES WHILE SYNCING YOUR BREATH OR ANY WEIRD SHIT. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s not my style and my guess is it’s not yours either if you’re here.)
3) I PROMISE YOU WILL FEEL COMFORTABLE. (For real. My office is comfy, Zoom is comfy…I will even come to your house if that’s what it takes.)
If you’re coming as a couple, you both have to feel good about working with me. The work we’re doing has to feel good. It might be hard, but you should feel hopeful. I encourage you to check in with each other about whether you wish to continue, every step of the way. You are never stuck or obligated.
Regular Maintenance//Tune-up Sessions:
Schedule this relationship session anytime for any reason or no reason: an extra set of eyes on a problem, mediation for a specific conversation, coming to resolution on an old or new issue, or just trying to get ahead of potential bullshit down the line. Whatever the thing is, I got y’all. Let’s work it out, early and fast. Book these as often or infrequently as you’d like. This can be virtual or in-person in my office.
The Total Package: Go with this option if you’ve never done any work together, especially if you’ve been together a while. I’ll guide you through a process towards building the easyish relationship you’ve always wanted (or at least figuring out whether you can get there together, which is crucial information!) Here is what to expect:
Step 1 Dirty Laundry: 90 minutes of basically airing the relationship’s “dirty laundry.” Every relationship has its own culture; what is yours? Tell me your story and introduce me to this unique creation that is your relationship. How’d you get together? What has happened so far? What tends to happen when you fight? What are you fighting about or what is the major disconnect? What have you tried that worked/didn’t work?
Step 2 Baggage Claim: 60 minute individual session with each of you, during which you’ll be expected to claim your own shit. Your partner isn’t there so there’s no cause for defensiveness. I want you to get super clear on your own contribution, because it takes two to co-create any dysfunction. (I promise!) So, let’s dig those roots up: What did you bring to this relationship? How do you contribute to the ongoing problems and issues? What are you willing and prepared to do to make amends for your half and move forward?
Step 3 Lost & Found: 90 minute session where we are back together. Now that I have heard each of your side uninterrupted, I have a better idea of where the misunderstandings and grievances lie and we can begin to craft a plan for reconnecting. This session is focused on what has been lost and what we need to find in order to move forward together in a healthier way.
After this three-step process, we can move to regularly or irregularly-scheduled “Regular Maintenance” sessions as needed. Two copies of my book “Easyish: Keys To A (Relatively) Easy Relationship” are included so that you can use it as your framework throughout this process.
Total fees: $675 and should take about 3-4 weeks. When booking, you’ll schedule the first 90 minute group session. Can be held in person or virtually.
The Staycation Sessions:
These sessions take place in your home. Some people report feeling more comfortable and emotionally safe in their own homes, which is really important for this to work. If you find it easier to open up and be vulnerable in your own space, this might be a good fit for you.
In addition to your comfort, there’s the added benefit of not having to book separate hours and hours of work to get to the roots of the issues, which is useful for couples with challenging schedules or multiple children. These sessions are designed as immersive, concentrated deep dives into what the hell is going on between you and what we need to do about it. (Make sure the kids are away for the day/weekend so there are no distractions).
You’ll book a morning or afternoon session, and you’ll be my entire day’s focus. I won’t book anyone before or after you in case we need more time. If you are not local to St Louis (within 30 miles of my home), you’ll be responsible for travel fees, which we’ll need to discuss prior to booking the session.
You may do this kind of session one time or you may want to book it quarterly to stay on track. You may want to do regular maintenance sessions after this one deep dive. It’s completely up to you. The only restriction is that for my comfort and safety I need to have met with you at least once prior to booking this session. (A short virtual meeting is fine, so if you book this and we don’t already know each other, make sure you reach out to schedule the meeting!)
Fees: $950* and includes four hours of in-person time, two copies of my book, and any travel time.
*Any additional time we agree to add on, day of, will be billed at $200/hour.
What It Costs
When I look for providers for any service, one of my first questions is “What does it cost?” followed by “Can I afford to do this?” It’s helpful to frame “what it costs” in terms other than money, though. Like, what does it cost you to not get help for this problem in your life or your relationship? What suffering could be alleviated by spending this money now? Only you know whether you can (or want to) afford to make an appointment. Remember that you can often feel better very quickly, so it might be worth stretching a little bit in the short term in order to feel better in the long run.
The rates for standalone sessions are as follows. They are always the same whether for individuals or relationships, virtual or in-person:
30 minutes = $75 (these are virtual only)
60 minutes = $150
90 minutes = $200
120 minutes = $275
Hourly rate at your home or office = $200 (in St Louis only)
Fine print: I intentionally set my fees lower than most “life coaches” because my background as a social worker reminds me to consider fairness, justice, access to resources, and socioeconomic equity. That said, if you look at these rates and feel certain you cannot afford them but you really want to work with me, reach out to me. I’ll hold some reduced fee sessions open each week. I don’t need your tax information. My experience has taught me to trust people, so I will trust you to know what your situation truly is and I know you won’t ask unless you need to.